


Burning Room

by ML_Fox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Blackdonald, Break Up Talk, Dancing, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Meant To Be, One Shot, One True Pairing, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Post-Break Up, Romance, Sad, Sad Sirius Black, Short One Shot, Sirius Black POV, Slow Dancing, Song: Lover (Taylor Swift), Song: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room (John Mayer), True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23602750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ML_Fox/pseuds/ML_Fox
Summary: "It's desperate, but somehow he wants to reconnect that thread they've both severed. He wants one thing to lead back to her, no matter what happens between them from now on."After a gruelling battle, an injured Sirius finds himself back in Mary's room. It's been four months since they broke up, but feelings like that never just go away.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black/Mary Macdonald
Kudos: 8





	Burning Room

Sirius’ eyes flutter.

At first, his vision is blurry. Light and shapes have merged into one, incomprehensible mess. It gradually clears as sleepiness fades from his body, along with the echoes of last night’s battle. With laboured breath, he looks around. From the way he feels right at home this bedroom must be familiar. It takes a minute for him to realise that this _was_ his home… sort of. For a time. That’s the very door her father walked through when he suspected Sirius’ presence. To the right is the window he flew through during the many nights he missed her.

Because, of course, in lonely times he always went straight here. To her.

With difficulty, he sits up. His whole body aches; bandages cover parts of his body. For the first time, he notices the assortment of healing potions and salves on the bedside table. He’s also quite nude. His clothes—mended, washed, and dried—sit on the foot of the bed. A sliver of golden sunlight streams through half-drawn curtains.

It hurts to move, but Sirius manages to sit up. He looks at himself as the blanket falls away. More bandages… but at least it doesn’t look as bad as it feels. Gritting his teeth, he reaches for his clothes and puts them on; then he shuffles his way out of the room.

As soon as he steps out he hears music. His heart follows the rhythm of the booming snare, relaxing him. Within the slow tempo and guitar is overwhelming nostalgia. It changes the way he perceives the house. Somehow, he feels like his younger self. It’s sultry and intimate… the kind that somehow reminds him of happier times.

Since he knows his way around, it doesn’t take him long to find her. In the living room, she stands with her back to him, staring out the window. She's crossed her arms. Stopping a fair distance away, Sirius studies her.

She looks different. He remembers a girl at eighteen; her sapphire eyes sparkled and she had a smile that lit up an entire room. Back then she had been so full of hope, the beacon he always looked to when his own optimism waned. Before him now is a woman—exhausted, and hopeless. There’s darkness in her eyes and she looks like she hasn't smiled in a while. She's also awfully thin.

They’re no longer together. The right to act so familiar is no longer his, but… every part of him screams for her. The sight of her reminds him of how broken his heart is, how empty his soul feels without her presence to fill it. Calling her name should have sufficed, but he can’t help approaching her and taking her hand. She gasps in surprise, but it doesn't deter him. He pulls her to him, enveloping her in an embrace as tight as his injured body can allow.

“What,” she breathes, “the bloody hell are you doing up?”

The scent of apples surrounds him, putting him at ease.

“Come, Macdonald,” he murmurs. “Remember I’m the restless sort."

"I remember," she mutters. "I keep wishing that part of you changes."

With a sigh, she finally returns his embrace.

"I'm glad you're okay," she continues, her voice quieter. "When I saw you last night I..."

She trails off. He doesn’t answer. All too soon she leans away from him, but he’s not ready to let her go. He locks his arms and, just as she begins to protest, gently sways them in beat with the music. He remembers the times he’d coaxed her into dancing with him. It’s always spontaneous because they’re never the type to plan romantic gestures. She always protests or expresses disbelief, but… always she relents into him. Dancing is his excuse to hold her close and she always grants his wish.

He hopes, after all this time, she still wants the same thing he does.

“You’re hurt,” she reasons. “You should be resting.”

“I’ve no time to rest—I have to go back to the Order soon.”

“Exactly why you should be—”

“Macdonald—”

“Don’t,” she warned. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

She’s right. They shouldn’t. It’s making their sacrifices irrelevant.

But… he misses her. Is that so bad?

Sirius doesn’t say anything else and, eventually, she does relent. For a good while, they dance in silence. The heavy, sultry tones of the melody bounce along the walls and they sway rhythmically to it. He can almost delude himself into thinking the war doesn't exist. That he's not hurt. That he doesn’t have to leave her again...

That forever and always he chooses her.

But he can’t.

He had made his decision. So did she.

“It’s been a while,” he murmurs.

“Has it?” she replies.

“Four months.”

“Not that long—”

“Felt like an eternity.”

She doesn't say anything. It's awkward, this silence between them. It didn't use to be this way. Banter flowed between them before. Talking to her was easy—fun. Because of that, he could never get enough of conversing with her. Each time they spoke it's as if pieces of him fitted with her. Yet... yet now, they're all different shapes that are no longer compatible.

“Where have you been?” Sirius finally asks.

“Seemingly everywhere nowadays.”

He frowns at her answer.

“Why don’t we see you anymore?” he tries again.

She tenses. To his surprise she wound her arms tighter around him, pulling him closer. She presses her forehead against his shoulder; her breath is warm through his shirt. This is an echo of what they used to be: quiet, unassuming, but real. He moulds her against him, stalling the inevitable, wanting to be with her—to be just _them_ for a few minutes longer.

"People are dying," she says. "I don't fight in the field... but I fight to keep _your_ casualties alive. I'm sorry I haven't been showing up, but every day the hospital's overrun..."

A cold feeling settles in Sirius at her words. That's something he rarely considers. For him it's always the conflict, the battle—the priority is to defeat the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. _Of course_ , he cares about the injured, the broken, the dead... but worrying over every single soul who dies? It's not a priority. Everyone dies; it is inevitable people will die in this war. The best way to keep them all alive is to go straight to the source of the problem and destroy it.

But... that's not Mary Macdonald's way.

“I’m sorry,” he says gently. “You’re right.”

Mary doesn't say anything more. They continue to dance. The silence between them is uncomfortable. It's heavy, filled with things they want to say to each other, but can't. Oh, the things he wants to say to her. When they were together they used to tell each other everything. It took effort sometimes, but they always ended up being honest with each other. Now that they're separated it's as though there's an invisible wall preventing them from speaking to each other.

“You used to be chatty,” he remarks. “You used to tell me everything.”

Mary sighs.

“We’re no longer together. I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“So… what, you’ll keep secrets from me now?”

“Speak for yourself, Sirius Black, you have a trove of them.”

A pang strikes Sirius' heart. They speak in soft, gentle tones, but the frustration and yearning are loud and clear. She's not accusing him of keeping secrets from her; in fact, her tone is even playful, but still... he can't help feeling guilty because it's the truth.

“I have to now,” he says defensively, “I’m an Order member.”

She chuckles, “That you are… but you’ve always had secrets.”

The guilt intensifies at that.

Had he always kept secrets from her?

It's a question he doesn't want to answer.

"Will you tell me one?" he says.

It's desperate, but somehow he wants to reconnect that thread they've both severed. He wants one thing to lead back to her, no matter what happens between them from now on.

“One?”

“A secret.”

They stop as the song fades in the air. Though they don't let go they lean back to look at one another. Unable to help himself, he cups her cheek. Though her eyes are dimmer the colour remains that intense, sapphire blue. He misses seeing them. It's difficult waking up every morning and not seeing her looking at him... seeing himself reflected in her eyes.

“I can’t,” Mary says.

“Why not?”

With a sigh, she steps away.

“If I do,” she says. “I’ll cry.”

Another song comes on. With a stricken expression, Sirius watches her walk into the kitchen. Every inch of him feels the loss of her. He wants nothing more than to return to her and hold her again. Promise her that this time he'll choose her. That they'll be together. However, as he watches her go on he can't help feeling that they're beyond... whatever saving grace there is for them.

At that moment... he's lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr | FF.net
> 
> 1\. I have two songs that inspired this little fic. One was _Lover_ by Taylor Swift and the other was _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_ by John Mayer. The music in _Lover_ is just so... nostalgic and every time I hear it I see Mary and Sirius dancing in a sunset-lit room. The lyrics from John Mayer's song I feel represents the state of their relationship at this point. In my headcanon after breaking up they never got together again because everything went to shit.
> 
> 2\. This piece is a bit of thematic sequel to [All My Dreams Fulfilled](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030554) because dancing. This is a one-shot, though; you don't have to read that one to understand this one.
> 
> 3\. Also, wow, it's been more than a year since I posted. I'm sorry about that. Once again: life. Also the past few months, as everyone can agree, has been one of the most terrifying times in human history. I hope every one of you lovely people are staying safe and healthy. Now is the time to care extra care of yourselves and make sure you are with us when we get through the other side of this whole thing.
> 
> And that's it. Thank you for reading. I always appreciate you. Feedback is always welcome. Stay safe.


End file.
